SOUTH PORKMAIL 10X
Act 1 · The vote — motion 2 / 5Stamp73¢
Mr. Mackey portrait

Mr. Mackey

moves the motion

Forever stamp

63¢ → 73¢

South Park Town Hall · Motion 2 of 5

Motion Two — volume's down, so raise it again

MOVED: that the price rise again, twice in one year, from 63¢ to 73¢, on the grounds that the last increase did not fix it.

The chair explains that when a remedy fails, the correct response is more of the remedy, mmkay. This passes without discussion because everyone in the room is doing the same thing with their own budget.

Eight increases in seven years turn postage from a line item into the decision itself. A mailer who once argued about paper stock now argues about whether to mail at all.

Volume falls faster than the price rises, so the revenue gain is smaller than projected — which becomes the evidence for the next increase.

Source: USPS price changes Jul 2023 (66¢), Jan 2024 (68¢), Jul 2024 (73¢) — eight increases 2019–2026

The floor is open

  • Mr. Mackey: So the last hike didn't work, mmkay. Volume went down again.
  • Stan: Doesn't that mean the hike is what's doing it?
  • Mr. Mackey: No, Stan, it means we didn't hike enough, mmkay.
  • Kyle: That's not — that is genuinely the opposite of the answer.
  • Mr. Mackey: Kyle, if the medicine isn't working you take more medicine. That's just health class, mmkay.
  • Stan: That's how people die in health class, Mr. Mackey.

MOTION CARRIES · 63¢ → 73¢

Volume falls. Next motion.

No solutions in Act 1. The town gets five decisions and takes all five. Skip to the rebuttal.